Indian Soaps...

If your indian and speak any other language other than english as ur first language, which you probably do, and you have either a mother, grandmother, sister, or any such relative at home and like most indian homes if you have just one TV in ur home, ur going to know exactly what I am talking about. You have been subjected to emotional and mental torture from watching soaps in a vernacular language on prime time television..and therein lies the problem.

To start with all of them are either family oriented soaps or dance shows, the comedy thingys are passe as of now; thankfully they were really getting on my nerves. So tell me who wears sarees worth 50 grand and gold worth 5 lacs when they're at home? Well lets overlook that.. and come to the actual soaps.. The plot almost always has to involve 2 women in conflict over either property, husbands, wealth, revenge, any or all of the above in not necessarily that order. The pace at which these serials run is so languid that if you see one episode, u can figure out what happened during the previous 10 episodes and the ones in the week to come. Then we come to the slaps/insults! These are shot with a dozen cameras from angles you would associate to well "u know" type of films and then they are repeated excruiciatingly slowly so as to give you an idea what time travel feels like. Boy dont u love those?

Coming back to the target audience. Women and invariable some men who have no friends, dont boooze, dont work late or are too lazy to haul their asses outside of their living rooms and have vowed to obey their wives until kingdom come. I know of women who watch the serials on prime time and again the next day in the afternon before they discuss the same with other women of the same type, they could probably give the director himself a complex if such a meeting were to take place.

The dance serials then. Gay men, fat women, and the so called superstars of the yesteryears who have fallen on hard times officiate these programmes. They often dont know any more about the singing or dancing in front of them than your milkman who has never watched televsion or been to the next town. But there they are, commenting, appreciating and demotivating the poor youngsters who have been forced to come and display their skills. Whats wrong in just having some kids come and perform without having eliminations and lengthy discussions about the performance and then unceremoniously dumping the poor folks outta the door? Beats me.

There certainly have been more times than once when I have fought the urge to use the sledgehammer on my tele. I wish there was some way of limiting the time your television can play these serials. Either that or maybe I could shoot the people who direct these and use the money in social causes like making nuclear weapons which will blow up Jihadis. But that again is just a thought. You know what they say right? If u cant beat them join them eh? I know nonthing of whatever I have written above is going to happen in a hurry, so let me conclude by saying, "Happy viewing folks!"